


do not read [by dream]

by crud



Series: mcyt [13]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Clay | Dream Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Diary/Journal, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crud/pseuds/crud
Summary: dream wrote in a journal to pass the time between the ticking of the clock.--AKA i'm mean to dream while he's in prison
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: mcyt [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010730
Comments: 17
Kudos: 202





	do not read [by dream]

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for the bad tagging!! i'm on my phone haha

Entry 1, Day 2 

Hey. 

I'm kind of scared to write in this, because Tommy visited earlier today and he kept going through my stuff. He knocked my clock off the wall. :( . He also went through my books, but they were empty, so... he didn't see anything. Obviously. 

I... after Tommy left, I got bored, so I tried to play my games, but screwing with a clock and repeatedly burning myself can only be fun for so long, you know? So, I figured I'd write. Clearly. Since I'm writing. 

God, this is so fucking stupid. Why the fuck am I writing? I have nothing to write about. Like hell am I gonna write anything personal here! Tommy or one of the others will just come in and read it, those fuckers. I can't believe they actually locked me in here! And Sam and Punz? They were MY MEN! I PAID THEM! THEY WERE MINE! 

~~i need to calm down or sam will come in and yell at me~~

I just- they really just left me here? They better visit, I'll fucking kill them if they leave me to rot in here. 

... I hope they're happy, out there. 

\- Dream

  
  
  


Entry 2, Day 4 

Is Tommy coming back? I don't... want to see him, but Sam hasn't come to see me in a while, and he gives me food through a hatch so he doesn't have to see my face if he doesn't want to, and I guess he really doesn't want to. Why doesn't he want to? ~~Where's Sapnap?~~

I'm doing fine, I think. I can't believe I'm writing in this fucking journal again. Next I'm gonna have to start therapy or something stupid. That's a joke. I hope. My room's starting to smell a bit like burnt flesh from my swims, but it's not too bad and it's not even too hot, I've gotten used to it! 

It'd be a little embarrassing if Sam was to visit, I think. Maybe it's for the best, I wouldn't want him to have to smell this. I have nothing to clean up with, so I'm stuck with this until someone comes to visit, and then they might ask about what caused this, and I don't want to worry anyone. They'd probably just use it as another reason to hate me. ~~Why do they all hate me? I deserve it, I guess.~~

  
  


I wonder where George and Sapnap stand in all this? Sapnap... I think he hates me. He was. He didn't. He was against me. I saw him. At the front. I don't think he loves me anymore. Because. He protected Tommy against me. So. I. 

Fuck. 

I don't want to believe anything until I hear it from him. Tommy said he's only visiting me in order to manipulate me, so I don't think I can trust anything he says. 

George, though... he wasn't there. I don't think he likes me either, though. He just dislikes conflict more. God, I fucked up didn't I. Fuck. FUCK. He wasn't there. He wasn't there. That's good! That's- I'm lying to myself. It's only been four fucking days, did I already forget how to be objective? 

Everyone hates me. George and Sapnap don't love me anymore. George and Sapnap hate me. They all hate me, I'm in here because they hate me and they should. 

\- Dream 

Entry 3 Day 9 

hello. its been a while. fuck, why am i writinv likd thsi?? ny habds are shaking.. give me a sjecond. 

Hello. Sorry about that, I'm okay now. It's been a while! Sorry. No one's come to visit me in a while. Sam came by once, and he told me to stop swimming in the lava and cleaned my cell for me. I wanted to help but my hands hurt. And my feet. And my back. I wish I had a bed, obsidian isn't really comfortable to sleep on. Sam told me everyone's happy outside, that's good! I'm happy that they can have peace now that I'm in here. 

I'm in here because I was bad and wrong and I deserve it! I'm trying my best to come to terms with it. I wrote a list of what I've done wrong in a different notebook, so I remember not to complain. Compared to everything I've done, the obsidian is nothing! 

I'm trying to have a more positive outlook. This is my world! I should be happy that there's peace! I am happy that there's peace! They all deserve it! It's a little lonely in here, but I've always liked my alone time! I'm starting to like it here! 

Sam even said he'd look into getting a blanket for me :( he's really nice. Doing all this for someone he hates. He's a good guy! I hope people don't think he's betraying them because he's helping me. Shit. 

\- Dream

  
  


Entry 4 Day 11 

i'm. fuck. it's so cold? why is it so cold please i'm surrounded by lava why is it cold why is it cold should i go for a swim? my head hurts. i think i'm gonna throw up. i shouldn't have told sam not to get me the blanket i want the blanket please give me the blanket please im so cold please. 

i almost dropped my clock in the water. my hands are shaking again why am i shaking. sam hasn't come to see me in two days. can i have something other than raw potatoes? am i being greedy? i'm always being greedy fuck thats why im fucking in here. 

my head hurts so much please. this is my fault i think im sick my stomach hurts too. should i call sam? i can't bother him this late its night and this is my fault. i wouldnt be sick if i just slept on the obsidian like i was supposed to. but it hurt so bad and obsidian's sharp and my hands were bleeding and it almost tore my sweater and my sweater is almost all i have so i took it off and slept in the water and it was more comfy but it was cold and now im sick and i think i ~~want to die~~ should call for sam. 

he'd be mad at me though. i did this to myself. my head hurts so bad i nee dto go i need to get out of here fuck im gonna throw uo let me out let me out let me out let me outletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoUTLETMEOUTLETMEOUTLETMEOUTLETMEOUTLETMEOU 

\- Dream

  
  


Entry 5 Day 12 

Sorry about yesterday! I wasn't feeling so good! I'm still trying to stay positive though! 

I heard that some of the others plan on visiting me! That's cool! I hope they don't break anything, I don't know if Sam would be willing to replace it all... 

Speaking of! Sam came in last night to take care of me after I jumped into lava again! I think he actually came to yell at me, because he already told me to stop, but he saw me shivering and he gave me a blanket and did his best to help me be comfortable. Maybe he doesn't hate me? 

No, he was just doing his job. Can't really be a warden if his only prisoner's dead, haha! 

I added my name to entry 4 earlier today, it felt wrong to leave it unsigned! I don't think I'll reread that entry often, that wasn't a good day. Today is great though! Especially since I have a blanket now! Sam even gave me bread instead of raw potatoes today! Variety! I just gotta keep being positive, and everything will be okay! 

\- Dream 

Entry 6 Day 14 

he saw he saw he saw that FUCKER he saw he took it he cant do that you cant do that thats fucking thats wrong you cant do that its not your right youre not allowed to see only i can choose who sees you promised you fucking promised you ASSHOLE im. fuck. FUCK. SHIT. he can't... he can't do that, right? surely someone else thinks that's wrong? i know i'm the villain and i'm bad and i'm wrong but... even to me you shouldn't do that, i don't think? i'm gonna throw up he had NO right he had NONE. NO RIGHT. FUCK. 

i need a moment to just. fucking. breathe. give me a second. 

Okay. Sorry. About that. Tommy visited again! That was fun, at first. And then he started being annoying, and I didn't really want to answer his questions. 

~~Who do you miss the most, Dream? Why are you so pathetic? How are you such a terrible person, Dream? How do you sleep at night, Dream?~~

They were really personal! In my defense! No one would want to answer any of that, right? So I didn't! And, that... offended him? I don't get why, we aren't friends? I don't have to answer his questions, I know he's here because he hates me and wants to make sure I stay in line, so I didn't really have a reason to say anything to him. 

But then... he... got mad... and he threatened to take my mask? And I thought he was bluffing! It's practically the only rule regarding me anymore: don't touch my mask or ask about my face! So I didn't answer his questions still. 

And. He took it. He fucking. He took it? And? Saw my face? I didn't want him too I swear I didn't think he'd actually do it and he acted like it was a joke but I still feel like I'm gonna throw up and I think I'm crying? My face is dry but I haven't cried in so long I think my body's forgotten how, I think I'm crying. I'm fuxkijg. shaking. I swear I'm gonna throw up I haven't even shown George my face that fucking rat of child just. did that? I'm. I'm fuckinf. fuck 

\- Dream

  
  


Entry 7 Day 18 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

who do you miss the most dream 

~~where are george and sapnap?~~

\- Dream

  
  
  


Entry 8 Day 24 

Sapnap and George came to visit. Apparently Tommy was going around bragging about seeing my face? Why would he do that? Why wouldn't he... 

They said they heard about it? From Bad? I don't know where Bad heard it from, but if he knows, everyone knows. At least if they hear it from Bad, they know it was fucked. But, um, they said they just wanted to check in? Apparently it takes longer for former close friends of the prisoner to get cleared to visit than for the former victim. Still. It's been 10 days? 

They don't hate me. I asked. I don't think they like me. I was too scared to ask. I asked them to visit me again, and they said they would. I should find a place to hide this journal before someone finds it if more people plan on visiting. It feels safe, to write and know no one is going to read it. I hope no one reads it. 

I showed George my face. He said I didn't have to, but I'd been planning to for a while, since before everything went to shit. Sapnap's seen my face already. I. I wanted to do it on my own terms, this time. I'm a little scared that others might come visit, and they'll hear from Tommy about how easy it is to unmask me, and they'll all do it too, and if i fight back I'm the bad guy because I'm the one in prison. Because I'm Dream. I can see it now: 

"That monster attacked me!" They'll yell. "I just wanted to see his face!" Then someone else will chime in. 

"He's such a villain! He's probably hiding something!" 

They wouldn't be wrong, I guess. But I have the right to hide my face! I wrote it into the rules of this stupid prison myself! "All prisoners have the right to conceal any body part they wish, and may request extra clothing to do so." Tommy broke that rule. I won't rat him out. But. I want to. I think I should. But they'll just find a way to turn it on me again. "Dream deserved it." Did I deserve it? I didn't ask Sapnap and George, and they're the only ones who really get how I feel about it, but I don't think I deserved it? I might've. 

\- Dream

Entry 9 Day 30 

Sapnap and George have been visiting a lot!! It's really cool. Sometimes. Most times. We get into a lot of fights, but I got them to laugh yesterday! They don't seem to like the clock game? I don't know why... They like the lava game even less, and they don't like that Tommy gave me homework, but what else am I gonna do? At least it gives me a goal! 

I think they're making me be my own therapist? They saw my other notebook- the one I use to remind myself why I'm in here. I was asleep when they visited, so they just looked around while waiting for me to wake up and they read it and gave me a big lecture when I woke up? I guess I'm just lucky they didn't find this one! That'd be embarrassing! 

Anyway, they're making me write down things I did right in that notebook instead, and other positive things like that. I think it's stupid. That wouldn't help me remember why I'm here. If anything it'd just make me angrier. I'm angry a lot. I try not to be. I think they've noticed, because they're always calming me down when I start getting frustrated. I keep stumbling over my words when I talk to them because I have so much to say but I don't talk much anymore. I missed having people to talk to. I'm scared to ask if we're friends again. What if they say no? I'd deserve it, but I still don't want them to. I hope we're still friends. 

\- Dream

Entry 10 Day 35 

They've been visiting me every day. I think this is good. I haven't seen Tommy in a while either. I don't think they like him? They mentioned telling him off once, and I was worried that people would be mad at them, but they said they're fine. I wanted to feel bad for Tommy- I deserved most of what I got! He didn't! I belonged where I was! At this point, I wasn't sure I could go back to living on the outside. It was quiet here, and warm, and I don't like it, definitely don't love it, but I'm used to it. It's always been... loud... there. And cold. Here, surrounded by lava and constants, I feel safe. I have no reason to leave, and no right to leave. George and Sapnap are enough for me, I think. 

We're friends again. I asked. I don't think I deserve that. I definitely don't deserve that. I want to apologize to the others but I don't think I could face them. They... scare me. They're loud, and emotional, and aggressive, and I don't know them like I know Sapnap and George. Maybe I could talk to Technoblade, but I don't think I have anything to say to him? If anything, he betrayed me, so I don't plan of asking for anyone to visit me. This is enough. 

George and Sapnap are enough. 

\- Dream

  
  
  


Entry 11 Day 47 

Who do you miss the most, Dream? 

No one, anymore. 

\- Dream

**Author's Note:**

> hey !! thanks so much for reading, maybe leave a kudos/comment if you liked it? <33 ily! take care of yourself ! 
> 
> my twitter is @patroiocus if you wanna hang out !!


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